in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
