I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
