By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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