Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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