now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
