this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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