I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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