you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
