I want to have your abortion
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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