That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
