I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
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i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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