I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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