i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
