She is in my trunk
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
