We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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