if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
