he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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