Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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