Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
