his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
