I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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