I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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