you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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