I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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