It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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