I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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