All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
