The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
