the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
