i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's never too late to be topless.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
