Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
