she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
