Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
