sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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