Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we made out on top of his cat.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
