Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have fence marks all over my body
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think my moral compass just broke
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
