Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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