Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
