Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
