I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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