so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize