I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
