i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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