1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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