I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize