I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there was a trapeze. enough said
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
