why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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