idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you win again, gameday.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
