If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
