There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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