She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
