I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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