You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
