Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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