She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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