mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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