I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
