hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
