after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
