i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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