I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
