i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
