that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
